Jesus Take The Wheel

I've been driving for 13 years and aside from the occassional parking ticket, I've managed to maintain a clean driving record.

No points on my license.
No increased car insurance premiums.
No car accidents.
Nothing.

But today, that all changed.

As I was driving to work, holding my cell phone in my hand and talking to my homie on speaker, I saw a cop speeding behind me. His lights were flashing, the sirens were blaring and he was weaving in and out of traffic.

Lawd. Who done got shot this time?

Shaking my head in judgement, I continued on my way and resumed my conversation. But as the sirens got louder and the flicker of lights in the rearview mirror caught my attention (again), I realized it was me he was after.

I immediately went into Driving While Black mode:

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the passenger seat. Pulled over. Put the car in park and turned it off. Rolled my window all the way down. And put both hands on the steering wheel.

Call me dramatic if you want, but I've seen enough Rodney King-esque videos on the news to know better. I wasn't 'bout to try anything slick and get shot up. I'm my mamma's only child.

"Good Morning, sir," the cop says. He was tall, dark and paunchy. "Driver's lisence, registration and insurance card please?"

I handed him what he asked for and he sauntered back to his car. At this point, I'm still unsure why I'm being pulled over. But I'm not worried. All my papers are in order. Ain't nothing dirty about my ride except for the crumbs on the floor from the lightskinned-ed Oreos I ate the day before.

After a few minutes of peeking back and forth into my rearview mirror, I see him writing something.

Shit! A ticket?!

In that moment: I saw my blemish free driving record disappear right before my eyes; I began to guesstimate just how much my car insurance premium would go up; I imagined my mother's finger wagging in my face: "You know better, boy," she'd say.

I was so transfixed by my daymare, I didn't even notice that the cop walked back to my door.

"You've got to use a handsfree device when you're driving, sir. Have a good day."

And before I could throw in a "But.." or "Officer please you'ont understand.." or a "See, what had happened was..." I was holding a $140 ticket for careless driving and he was in his car driving away.

I put my information back in the glove compartment, stuffed the ticket on the side of the door and pulled out my headset. Yes, the headset was with me all along.

As I drove to work screaming expletives at myself, I spot a cop driving down the street, talking on her cell phone.

She wasn't just chitchatting either. She was going IN! Had the phone pressed up to her ear with her shoulder, guzzling a bottle of juice with one hand and gripping the steering wheel with the other. All while driving.

I tried my hardest to take a picture but before I could grab my phone, she was gone. She probably was speeding too! Hmph.

Sure, I was driving with my phone in my hands (albeit not to my ear) in a handsfree zone and got caught. Fine. I'll eat that. But careless driving? Isn't that a bit harsh? And why is it unacceptable and considered "careless driving" when I do it but okay when a cop does it? Shouldn't they practice the laws they enforce?

I tracked down a cop to answer these very questions - and many more. I was surprised by his candor. And I think you will be too.

To Be Continued...