Highly (un)Recommended: 6 Ways to Avoid Writing Your Manuscript

I started working on my novel (for real, for real) in January of this year. I sat down and pumped out a couple of decent chapters. And I got some good feedback that propelled me to keep writing.

As I started to use the momentum to pump out more work, something stopped me dead in my tracks: Procrastination.

I would set aside time to sit down and write or brainstorm or jot down notes and plot ideas, but, instead, end up on Twitter shooting the breeze with hundreds of folks I do not know.

I quickly zeroed in on the problem and scaled back on my tweets.

In the past two weeks, Foursquare check-ins and blog promotion aside, I've only tweeted 23 times. That equals out to about 1.6 tweets per day. And more than half of those tweets were replies to messages sent directly to me.

Just when I thought I had tamed my social media activities and was back on the road to literary success, my clever, crafty ass found other ways to pussyfoot around writing.

Think of this as a cautionary tale. You know, what not to do. Or, perhaps, a way to identify your own dilly-dallying and recognize how mundane seemingly harmless day-to-day tasks, can easily exacerbate your sick procrastination urges.

Here are six ways I put off working on my manuscript.

BLOG

Once used as an outlet to hone my craft in between paid writing gigs, The Urbane Urbanite has now become a way for me to escape working on my manuscript. And according to Bernie, my writing buddy who checks in on me every Monday morning to see what I have (and often times, have not) written, blogging doesn't count as "writing" as it pertains to working on my manuscript.

Hmph!

This is what typically happens: I'm busy plugging away at my book and I'll think of an idea or write down a thought or phrase that doesn't quite fit in with the story that I'm telling, but would make for a great blog post. And because I'm certain that I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD, I stop right in the middle of writing and begin to blog. Um...kind of like right now.

Currently, instead of actually sitting down to blog, I just convince myself that I'm going to sit down to work on my manuscript and then push all book related stuff to the side...to blog.

Did ya follow that?

GOOGLE

Who says Google is only good for work and research? It's also fun to use just for shits and giggles. I LOVE to Google random people, folks I've just met, persons I don't know, individuals who I may have lost contact with. I even Google myself from time to time.

Did you know there's a white girl in Indiana named, Shydel? True Story.

But Lawd! Get into this: Just last week, I was laboring over some dialogue in a chapter I’ve been working on for weeks, and a director I worked with on a film six years ago randomly popped into my head. So I did what any real procrastinating writer would do: shove my notepad to the side, get up from my desk, hop into bed with my laptop and Google him.

To my surprise (and dismay), he committed suicide in 2008 by hanging himself from a tree.

WELP!

I s-l-o-w-l-y closed my laptop, sat it on my nightstand and rocked myself to sleep that night. I was NOT prepared for that. That'll learn me!

CLEAN

I hate cleaning. Hate. I've come to accept that housework isn't in my DNA. It just...isn't. There have been several times when I was thisclose to calling a cleaning service to come and tackle my 1500 square foot apartment. But who needs Merry Maids when you've got a book to avoid writing?

I'm sure I've cleaned more in the last 3 to 6 months, than I have in my entire life.

As a matter of fact, as I write this post, my hampers are empty, the floors are spotless and the dishes are put away. Usually, that's a reason to celebrate. Today, it is not. Why? Because it is all a result of my deviant writing behavior.

When I sit down in front of my beloved MacBook Pro, I purposely look for a reason to get back up and tidy up. And what better reason than stray dog hairs on the floor, or clothes that need folding, or a pesky fingerprint smudge on the flat screen that's turned on when it should be turned off, because I'm supposed to be concentrating on writing and not watching The Golden Girls.   

EXERCISE

You know you've got a bad case of the Procrastinations when your running shoes start to look more appealing than a blank screen and blinking cursor.

For a while, I was doing a bulk of my manuscript writing in the morning. The more I started to write, the more I noticed that I did my best work in the wee hours. Then one day, just as an experiment, I decided to go running in the morning to see if the cardio would help stimulate my brain cells even more. Not only have the morning workouts become a supercharging, positive mood-boosting experience, but they have also replaced my AM writing sessions all together.

Womp!

No, seriously. I went out and bought a pair of $130 running shoes and hired a new trainer. Mornings have officially become workout time!

*Flexes*

Hey, exercising as a form of procrastination is better than eating, right?

Not to say that I don't eat, too. Was just asking the question. :-/

WATCH PORN

It's free. It's easily accessible. It usually involves a happy ending. Yes, it's porn! And when I want to reward myself for actually making it to my computer with the intention to write, I grab my mouse and casually move the cursor to the far right and click the minimize button on Microsoft Word, and click the maximize button on my porn folder in Gmail.

In my defense, I don't go searching for porn on the interwebs. Can you imagine how long that would take? Oh no, I have a group of porn aggregators, friends who send me links through out the course of the week to scenes and clips they know I'll enjoy. And what is supposed to be a one-hour 250-word writing session, usually evolves into a two-hour porn fest full of hoshit that has little to do with my manuscript.

And let's just say by the time that two hours is over, a sammich and a nap is order. Alas, no writing takes place.

READ

By far the most productive procrastination pastime on the list, reading other writers' work, especially the good stuff, actually motivates me to create my own work.

Remember: One can write only as well as one reads. And while I initially set out to curl up on the couch with my Kindle to be entertained and put off my own writing, I usually walk away from the experience with a renewed sense of why I want to tell stories in the first place - and ready to put pen to paper.

Can you relate to this?

Share some your favorite diversions from the task at hand.

This list is getting stale and I could use a re-up.

Help a brother out.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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